Scenarios To Avoid In Your Legend

If you are single, avoid hooking up with someone permanently. It’s alright to have them wander in and out of your life, especially if they make things difficult/awkward for you. Your female/male readership could suffer if the coupling becomes a permanent thing.

Do not go more than a couple of weeks without having a tragedy or setback of some description, the readers do not want to hear how wonderful your life is. After all they are probably looking to you for an escape and that is why they sit reading/writing emails to you.

Never let your readers feel neglected and that you have become independent, tell them how much you appreciate their readership and throw in some inflated stat quotes to reinforce this. Don’t allow the readers to know that they are the only people reading you and yet foster their perception that you are speaking only to them.

Lack of comments can look bad and if everything else has failed, create some anon ones or even give these imaginary friends names to make them look authentic. If you have time set up Blogger accounts for these faithful commentors. You might even want them to comment on other blogs from time to time to reinforce their provenance.

Hint at being successful in the real world. Don’t be too specific, that would make your legen too inflexible if you wanted to create a tragedy later in the life of your blog. Being too successful has another negative side effect, the readership will grown envious and move on. After all you have everything they would desire to have a better life, so why should they sympathise with you.

If you find it necessary to give step by step coverage of your latest sexual encounter, do not attempt to reveal to everyone that she/he said you were the best fuck they had ever had. This just makes you look like one sad fuck!

Never, ever, let on that you are totally happy under any circumstances. If you want to bring a small amount of joy to your blog, make sure that it is tempered with an undertone of sadness.

Don’t pretend to be the opposite gender, this rarely works. Men generally do not feel, think or, therefore, write the same as women and vice-versa. Phrases, level of description, emotional intensity and tone all give away the true author’s gender.

And finally, telling the truth. This will only disappoint the public, if your life was so exciting you wouldn’t spend hours at your computer screen now would you?

Whoring Your Blog - Beginner's Basics

Once you have figured out the name of your online masterpiece, set the wheels in motion by registering yourself in the Blog-Zone (which can be a little like a Drop Zone if you’re not careful), you need to consider marketing your little treasure trove.

But how is this done? You may ask.

I’ll give you a hint, it’s a little like prostitution but you don’t actually have to go anywhere near anyone’s bodily fluids.

Answer: Become a blogwhore.

A blogwhore is someone who whores their blog like it is John Holmes’s shlong or Jenna’s intricately landscaped pussy.

There are two ways to whore your blog: the classy and trashy way, which can also be the desperate way.

Classy:

- An elegant layout that allows readers to navigate their way through your insights without any additional grief.

- A statistic counter helps by indicating that people do in fact visit your page. Key word here is indicate (more further down).

- Interesting posts.

- Commenting in other blogs and hoping that other bloggers comment back in your neck of Sexual Nirvana.


Trashy:

- Commenting in other blogs and overtly requesting that (the blogger whose blog your commenting in) the person reads your latest post.
- Every so often announcing your visitor milestone like it’s the Second Coming, a UFO sighting or some other life or death milestone. Remember you're a blogger, you're not the author of the Da Vinci Code.

Example: ‘Today this blog reached the whatever trillion visitor mark!’

Chances are, if you have a visible counter, the reader will have a rough idea of the number of visits to your blog. To announce it or make it the subject is like telling your potential reader that they’ve failed elementary school arithmetic.

People read sex blogs to get a sexual kick out of SEXUAL CONTENT, not 'I've just had my billionth visitor'. It's not something you'd scream out in bed, is it? To put it plainly, it's trashy and more desperate than Nicolette Sheridan trying to look like a twenty year old.

- Reminding readers to read your posts like they're naughty school children with ADD. All blogs come with a sidebar and within that sidebar is a section titled, Recent Posts or Recent or a title that lists your most recent posts.

Example: The addition of a postscript like ‘Don’t forget to read the previous entry where I talk about shoving a rubber chicken up my doo-da’ oozes desperation - not a good look. Remember you’re the auteur of a sex blog, you’re sexy and you’re not desperate for God’s sake!

Happy Blogging, you potential sexual animals!

Blog Watching

Avid blog watchers may wish to visit this site http://www.bubblegummeltdown.com.

Naming Yourself And Your Blog

I thought I would begin with the name of your blog. It’s of vital importance that you consider the name before setting up on your blog host. The names you want might not be available so have alternatives ready.

The Name of your Blog

1) Don’t use your own name. Obvious I know, but there are some strange people out there and not just the blog authors. A very small percentage of the readership is a little creepy so don’t release any personal information. The exception to this is myself, your very own De Shade, at school my name brought me sniggers and bullying. That was just the teachers, now I am proud to be De Shade.

2) Make sure you and your blog have a name that is suggestive or just plain obscene. The following are great, I’m sure you will be able to come up with some of your own. Select, mix and match as you feel fit.

Adventures
Anal
Aroused
Boob(s)
Balls
Call Girl
Cock
Confessions
Cum
Cunt/Cunting
Dirty
Fiend
Flirty
Hard
Harlot
Kinky
Love
Muff
Naked
Naughty
Oral
Porn
Pussy
Rapacious/Rapacity
Ravenous
Salacious
Sex/Sexy
Secret
Slut
Smut
Stripper
Strumpet
Tales
Tit(s)
Whore

“Confessions” is a useful word it is effective by implying the revelation of sinful acts it creates the right mood. This is what you should aim for, the creation in the mind of the reader the impression that they are being taken into your trust to read about your most intimate of thoughts, desires and actions.

3) Ensure the name of your blog is alphabetically advantageous. Remember if your name appears at the top of a fellow blogger’s sidebar the link to your site will be clicked. Get yourself in the top five alphabetically. At the bottom is second best, again your blog’s name will stand out. But never, ever get lost in the middle of the sidebars, letters I to S are pretty mediocre for sidebar placement. Though there are a lot of great S words so don’t overlook them, e.g. “Anal Slut” is a good choice.

“Aardvark Anal” is available and to be recommended, the blog name that is, not the practice. Otherwise go for “Zygote Sex”.

Your Blog Identity

As for your blog identity, as opposed to your blog’s name, you have much more freedom. The name reflects your persona, it could even be your real name, though I would not advise it for reasons mentioned above. If you’re after the guys, try incorporating words like “Slut” or “Wanton”. For attracting the girls try something that implies you are single, worldly and hung like a horse.

How to be a Hot Wife

The word Hot may be a misnomer but this formula is bound to work if you desire to be a Hot Wife. Hot, in this example, refers to the rise in temperature due to sexual frustration.

To be a Hot Wife, it helps to:

a) Always complain about your husband.
b) Whine about not being aroused.
c) Wax lyrical about the methods used to avoid sex like a petulant little girl when you’re nearing 40.

Guess Who, Don’t Sue: It’s all in the italics.


Good Luck Chickadees!

Having That Wining Formula

Before you embark upon your entries for the blog, you need decide on a legend for yourself. For this to work to it’s full potential there has to be an element of unhappiness in one form or another. At all times remember your legend, if you’re living in Vermont, stay living in Vermont. If you decide that your first sexual experience was with “Stanley” behind the school gymnasium in your last year of senior high then make sure you write it down. If you do this right some of your readers will be quite obsessive and they will remember contradictions.

The best one’s are:

Single Male/Female

You can really go to town with this one. Court your public, write lots about not getting sex and how you are really desperate to find someone who can take care of your needs. Adding the occasional bout of masturbation to spice things up a bit.

If you do get sex, start telling everyone how good he/she is or how well you performed with lots of descriptive text. This then opens the forum for discussion or even a vote on how much you like certain sexual acts performing on you (always a good one).

Married Male/Female

This role is best delivered with an undertone of dissatisfaction. The partner is not interested in sex anymore or has problems that result in little or no physical contact. In this instance you need to post about how frustrated you are and how much you want it.

Troubled Marriage

Lots of possibilities with this one, maybe even moving in to the divorce arena eventually (you will have to see which way the readers go). This works well for both sexes, you will have lots of people “stepping up to the plate” offering advice.

Divorcing Male/Female

You can play around a lot with this one. Did the impending divorce come before or after the affair that you are now having. Your partner was frigid for years (this makes the other man/woman more easily accepted by the reader). You can drive yourself crazy with guilt about not loving your partner and the other person you now have in your life.

Next time from me – Scenarios to avoid in your legend.

Tag You're It

The fundamental step in getting a blog out there, regardless of content, is the tag.

Technorati, the super-dooper blog directory, works to get the most boring post (like this one) out there.

How is this done, you may ask?

Simply by using a link that links back to Technorati.

Technorati has a help section that sets this all out so you can produce tags underneath your posts that categorize your post into any part of the super-dooper directory you desire, as shown below.

Now I haven't written anything about heart stopping fuckfests, but this post will be fished out by Technorati regardless because of all the below tags. Deceptive? Shit yes. This has been proven time and time again by popular sex blog posts that talk about doing the laundry, which are tagged in the below fashion.


sex
fucking
sexblogs
cock
pussy
cunt
affair
relationships

Bonsoir Bloggers

I for one used to believe that to achieve greatness and the respect of my peers I would have to work long and hard. I had visions of De Shade toiling into the small hours each night by the light of smoking tallow candles scratching away with his quill.

No longer! I believe I have discovered the secret of creating a popular adult blog. Curiously this does not require you to be a talented writer or have a boundless imagination teaming with erotic ideas.

So what makes for a popular adult blog?

My posts will teach you the secrets. They are simple, often bizarre, but always of use to the aspiring adult blogger.

Come back soon, but for tonight dear reader, adieu.