Marque De Shade

All you need to know about creating a successful adult blog without really trying.

30 July 2006

Scenarios To Avoid In Your Legend

If you are single, avoid hooking up with someone permanently. It’s alright to have them wander in and out of your life, especially if they make things difficult/awkward for you. Your female/male readership could suffer if the coupling becomes a permanent thing.

Do not go more than a couple of weeks without having a tragedy or setback of some description, the readers do not want to hear how wonderful your life is. After all they are probably looking to you for an escape and that is why they sit reading/writing emails to you.

Never let your readers feel neglected and that you have become independent, tell them how much you appreciate their readership and throw in some inflated stat quotes to reinforce this. Don’t allow the readers to know that they are the only people reading you and yet foster their perception that you are speaking only to them.

Lack of comments can look bad and if everything else has failed, create some anon ones or even give these imaginary friends names to make them look authentic. If you have time set up Blogger accounts for these faithful commentors. You might even want them to comment on other blogs from time to time to reinforce their provenance.

Hint at being successful in the real world. Don’t be too specific, that would make your legen too inflexible if you wanted to create a tragedy later in the life of your blog. Being too successful has another negative side effect, the readership will grown envious and move on. After all you have everything they would desire to have a better life, so why should they sympathise with you.

If you find it necessary to give step by step coverage of your latest sexual encounter, do not attempt to reveal to everyone that she/he said you were the best fuck they had ever had. This just makes you look like one sad fuck!

Never, ever, let on that you are totally happy under any circumstances. If you want to bring a small amount of joy to your blog, make sure that it is tempered with an undertone of sadness.

Don’t pretend to be the opposite gender, this rarely works. Men generally do not feel, think or, therefore, write the same as women and vice-versa. Phrases, level of description, emotional intensity and tone all give away the true author’s gender.

And finally, telling the truth. This will only disappoint the public, if your life was so exciting you wouldn’t spend hours at your computer screen now would you?

2 Comments:

Blogger DevilBlueDress said...

Oh God Hell. You're hilarious. Advice on a blog about how to BLOG... And attract more...

I laughed. YOU WIN.

"Baby wants it good. Baby wants it bad. Baby wants everything."

Mon Jul 31, 04:43:00 am  
Blogger Muff Diver said...

Hey hey, I spend hours in front of a screen...

ok I spend it looking at porn-porn-pornO!

*shake head*

It's f#$%ing sad, I know but it may aid my sex blogging.

Mon Jul 31, 01:37:00 pm  

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