Marque De Shade

All you need to know about creating a successful adult blog without really trying.

27 July 2006

Whoring Your Blog - Beginner's Basics

Once you have figured out the name of your online masterpiece, set the wheels in motion by registering yourself in the Blog-Zone (which can be a little like a Drop Zone if you’re not careful), you need to consider marketing your little treasure trove.

But how is this done? You may ask.

I’ll give you a hint, it’s a little like prostitution but you don’t actually have to go anywhere near anyone’s bodily fluids.

Answer: Become a blogwhore.

A blogwhore is someone who whores their blog like it is John Holmes’s shlong or Jenna’s intricately landscaped pussy.

There are two ways to whore your blog: the classy and trashy way, which can also be the desperate way.


- An elegant layout that allows readers to navigate their way through your insights without any additional grief.

- A statistic counter helps by indicating that people do in fact visit your page. Key word here is indicate (more further down).

- Interesting posts.

- Commenting in other blogs and hoping that other bloggers comment back in your neck of Sexual Nirvana.


- Commenting in other blogs and overtly requesting that (the blogger whose blog your commenting in) the person reads your latest post.
- Every so often announcing your visitor milestone like it’s the Second Coming, a UFO sighting or some other life or death milestone. Remember you're a blogger, you're not the author of the Da Vinci Code.

Example: ‘Today this blog reached the whatever trillion visitor mark!’

Chances are, if you have a visible counter, the reader will have a rough idea of the number of visits to your blog. To announce it or make it the subject is like telling your potential reader that they’ve failed elementary school arithmetic.

People read sex blogs to get a sexual kick out of SEXUAL CONTENT, not 'I've just had my billionth visitor'. It's not something you'd scream out in bed, is it? To put it plainly, it's trashy and more desperate than Nicolette Sheridan trying to look like a twenty year old.

- Reminding readers to read your posts like they're naughty school children with ADD. All blogs come with a sidebar and within that sidebar is a section titled, Recent Posts or Recent or a title that lists your most recent posts.

Example: The addition of a postscript like ‘Don’t forget to read the previous entry where I talk about shoving a rubber chicken up my doo-da’ oozes desperation - not a good look. Remember you’re the auteur of a sex blog, you’re sexy and you’re not desperate for God’s sake!

Happy Blogging, you potential sexual animals!


Blogger boudica of suburbia said...

And what would mine come under?

Fri Jul 28, 12:24:00 am  
Blogger The Gobblin' said...

I go for trashy every time.

Sun Jul 30, 09:14:00 am  
Blogger Muff Diver said...

Trashy is the new pink!

Mon Jul 31, 01:38:00 pm  

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